Is this a joke?
No! This a real literary magazine for you to submit your literary Taco Bell writing. Like The Paris Review. Granta. Ploughshares. Taco Bell Quarterly.
It still sounds like you're joking, but okay. What are the guidelines?
Taco Bell Quarterly is currently looking for literary/creative essays, short stories, fiction/prose that explore any and all elements of Taco Bell. An elegy for the discontinued menu items? Fine. An experimental essay about marine biology and the XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito? Awesome. Review the new Beefy Fritos Burrito and how it reminds you of the time your grandma died? We want it. Something that introduces us to inventive form, dynamic language, and strong voice. Or not. We're not judgey and pretentious. We're Taco Bell Quarterly.
What about poems, photography and art?
Ummm, hell yes. Especially if it's on the back of a napkin.
Is this going to be quarterly?
Maybe! It depends on how starved the world is for literary Taco Bell writing. We have a vision of dropping the initial issue like a double or triple album. TBQ: Vols 1-3.
What's the word count guideline?
Write what it takes to tell your story. But seriously, people's attention spans are like 500-1500 words. If you send us a Taco Bell novella, we might say no in a very gentle manner. Submissions may be lightly edited for clarity and typos.
When do I need to submit by?
Submissions will close on June 30th, 2019. But if you submit on July 1, we're not gonna freak out on you or anything.
Where do I submit?
On the computer, there's a submit button upper-right hand corner. Mobile, push that 3-line drop down menu. There you will find the secret room with the email address.
Where/when will this be published?
Taco Bell Quarterly will be unleashed upon the world like a rabid beast, sometime in July or August, in time for you to still enjoy pool side on your summer vacay, published electronically via SmashWords.
Are you paying?
Together, we are going to create an artistic community of literary Taco Bell writers, and Taco Bell Quarterly will be our charitable gift to the world. Let's make something fucking weird. Taco Bell Quarterly will make no profits in this venture. The answer is, we're broke. But we have ideas. We need a rich person, like an endowment person. If you would like to support the Taco Bell arts, please contact us. TBQ will use 100% of funds to pay Taco Bell writers and artists.
What if I'm not good enough to be in Taco Bell Quarterly?
Almost everyone is good enough to be in TBQ. Taco Bell Quarterly is not going to reject submissions because they're not artistic or elevated enough. We have a vision of unleashing an unruly, Tolkien-esque tome. Let's drop three volumes, 750 pages of beautiful-ass energy and love about Taco Bell that generations of readers will read in book clubs or on the toilet. But yo hear us out, Taco Bell Quarterly WILL reject anything that's racist, mysoginist, homophobic, alt-right, mean, fails to grasp basic sentence structure, copyrighted, or contains the word Lovecraftian in an unironic way.
How many people are really going to submit to TBQ? Am I going to be the only one?
Maybe! If we fail, we fail together. Wouldn't it be awesome to fail at trying to make a Taco Bell Literary Magazine? (Update: We've gotten *Incredible* stuff. We're not going to fail. This is going to be THE beach read of the summer, and we're not even kidding. Get in on this. It's going to be special. Dream Journal.
What else do I need to know?
Taco Bell Quarterly will be granted one time rights to publish your piece electronically. We are going to promote the hell out of you and tell the world how awesome you are for creating art. We're going to hustle this thing and try to get press, and we've already tried to start a beef with Ploughshares, but they haven't responded.
Can I win the Pushcart?
We will be nominating the best of the best for Pushcarts, sending in our nominees with packets of Fire sauce. Symbolic because our writers are fire. Dare to dream of the day you might be a Taco Bell Quarterly-nominated writer/artist for the Pushcart Prize. They don't know what's about to hit them.
Who are you?
I'm a writer with big weird ideas. I'm M.M. Carrigan, Editor Supreme of Taco Bell Quarterly and writer behind a famous blog on the Internet, The Surfing Pizza. I wrote a collection of essays that is currently seeking a forever home, and one of them is about Taco Bell, which inspired me to encourage others to process our Taco Bell feelings. What if the longing, the hunger, the white hot center of all our pain -- was Taco Bell? Let's process it, together.
Check me out: www.thesurfingpizza.com and @thesurfingpizza
Why have you been typing "we" if it's only you?
I wanted to feel less alone in the world.
About Taco Bell Quarterly: